Agony
by Hinfallend
Summary: Sometimes, you need to stop and let the pain take over for a bit. Sometimes, it's the only thing you can do.


Prompt: Agony

Word Goal: 972/2,292

Character(s): Reid, Morgan, Garcia, Rossi, Hotch, Seaver

Morgan looked up from his report for the millionth time to look at the empty desk diagonal from his. Seaver noticed again and looked up herself, wondering what the doctor was doing that required him to be gone for almost half an hour now. It wasn't like Reid to skip paperwork, and she knew that if she felt a little bit of worry, Morgan was ready to jump up and search the entire building for his friend.

Movement from inside of Hotch's office made her look over to see Hotch turning away from the window to sit back at his desk. She would have simply assumed he was moving around to stretch his legs if it weren't for the fact that his face was tilted towards the bullpen and his eyes kept flickering up to look at the vacant desk.

The behavior of the two alpha males was starting to make her agitated, and a quick look around the room showed that everyone else was feeling the same way. An agent, whose name she couldn't remember, was chewing on his bottom lip while glancing over at Reid's spot. Around them, while there was people walking around them to deliver reports or something akin to that, there was even more movement than usual. That agent had walked through the area three times now with the same files in her arms as the first time.

Sudden movement beside her showed that Morgan had jumped up and was already up the steps and knocking on Hotch's door. She saw Hotch look up and announce for Morgan to come in like he had been expecting the dark skinned agent. The fact that Morgan walked in but forgot to shut the door all the way behind him showed how tense he was.

Almost instantly, the entire area went silent as everyone tried to hear was they were saying.

"-worried about him," Morgan's voice drifted out.

A door opening made everyone jump as Rossi stepped out, sweeping a look across all of them before he went over to Hotch's room. Knocking on the door frame, he stepped in and shut the door firmly behind him. A disappointed sigh ran through all of them, Seaver included. It would seem like they would have to wait and see what happened.

Morgan jumped a little when Rossi knocked then took to pacing once the door was shut. Rossi followed his movements for a few seconds before turning to their supervisor.

"I take it that you two are concerned about Reid." It was more of a statement than a question.

Hotch answered anyways, "Yeah, he isn't one to skip work."

"I know, which is why I'm over here," Rossi said, taking a seat in front of Hotch's desk, though the tension didn't leave his shoulders.

Morgan spun around on his heel sharply, "Where is he? The farthest that kid goes is to the coffee machine or Garcia's room."

"Has anyone tried Garcia?" Hotch asked calmly.

"No, I figured he would have come back by now or at least let us know he was there if he was," Morgan explained even as he pulled out his cellphone and dialed the familiar number.

"Whatcha need, Sweetness?" Garcia chirped after a couple of rings.

"Hey, Babygirl, is Reid with you?" Morgan went back to pacing.

"He was here about twenty minutes ago, but he didn't stay long. I asked him why he was here, but he didn't answer me and stood there watching me work. We talked about a few, minor things though," Garcia answered, forestalling their next question.

Morgan sighed and rubbed his head, "Thanks, Garcia. If he comes back, let me know, okay?"

"Sure thing, Love…Something is wrong with my baby, isn't there?" she asked after a brief pause.

He hesitated then said, "I don't know."

A scoff was heard and then, "Sugar, for a profiler, you are a crappy liar. If you find him, tell me so I can hit him over the head."

"I will," Morgan promised, smiling.

"Well?" Rossi asked when Morgan hung up.

"Garcia said that he was there twenty minutes ago, but left a little bit afterwards. Apparently he just stood there and watched her work, throwing in a few comments here and there," Morgan relayed what he had been told.

There was silence for a few long moments as each man thought about where the youngest would go. Finally, Hotch spoke up, "Rossi, go check the lower levels of the building. Act casual and if you are asked what you are doing, just say you need Reid's help with something. Take Seaver with you. Morgan, you go check the upper levels and the roof. Give the same excuse if you are asked."

Both nodded and Rossi got up while Morgan asked, "What about you?"

"I have to stay here because I'm expecting a call from Strauss," Hotch said. Rossi and Morgan laughed at his tone then walked out, looking a lot calmer now that they had something to do other than sit and wait.

Seaver looked up when her name was called, seeing Rossi and Morgan walking down towards her. Rossi gave her a reassuring smile and Morgan led the way out of the bullpen and into the hallway. Once there, Morgan crossed his arms over his chest and let Rossi explain to her what was going on.

"Okay, so me and you are going down while Morgan is going up?" Seaver clarified even though she had already processed it and was ready to go.

Rossi nodded and went for the elevator on the left while Morgan stopped in front of the one on the right. Seaver came to stand by Rossi's side and tried not to fidget at the tense air that swirled around them. There was two dings, one following right after the other, and Rossi patted Morgan's shoulder before each walked into their respective elevator.

Morgan tapped his foot impatient as he waited for the elevator to reach the next floor. Floor after floor, he searched but couldn't find their residential genius on any of them. The feeling of wrong got stronger with each floor and by the time he reached the final floor, he was panicking in his head. The doors dinging announced his arrival to the top floor, and he quickly but efficiently searched it then went for the stairs.

Taking them two at a time, he soon reached the door and found it ajar. The hope that he friend was up here conflicted with the fear that his friend was up here. He pushed the door open, ignoring his pounding heart, and walked across the crunching gravel until he spotted a thin figure standing near the far edge.

Morgan was confident that his heart stopped at the sight.

His feet moved forward almost without his command and he quietly walked up beside the pale man. The wind blew at their backs, making Reid sway in a way that made Morgan long to reach out and jerk him down from there. Studying the brunette's face, Morgan noticed the darker than usual circles under his eyes and how Reid was so pale Morgan could see his veins.

"Reid," he called softly, not wanted to startle the other and have him fall.

Red started anyways, wobbling percariuously before Morgan's arms were around his waist and pulling him down to safety. They stayed like that for a few seconds until Reid pulled away and looked at Morgan.

"I wasn't going to fall," he said emotionlessly.

"Didn't look like that to me," Morgan answered, not sure whether to be angry with Reid or hug him out of relief. "Where have you been?" he asked after a moment of quiet.

"Up here," Reid murmured, resting his hands on the raised side and looking down.

Morgan saw a shiver wrack the thin frame when another cold breeze blew around them. The words to reprimand him were on the tip of his tongue. "You are going to get sick if you stay up here," he said instead.

"Did you know that more than thirty thousand Americans commit suicide every year? Every eighteen minutes another life is lost to suicide," Reid said, not noticing the look Morgan gave him.

"I didn't know," Morgan said cautiously, taking a step closer to Reid. "Let's go inside now."

"Over half of all suicides are done by adult men between the ages of twenty-five and sixty-five," Reid kept going as though Morgan hadn't spoken. "Males are four times more likely than women to die from suicide…Every day, an average of eighty Americans take their own lives, and over one thousand, nine hundred visit the emergency departments for self-inflicted injury."

"Reid, stop," Morgan commanded, keeping the desperation out of his voice. The way Reid was talking scared Morgan more than he ever wanted to admit.

Reid leaned over the edge as his continued, "More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia and influenza, and chronic lung disease combine."

"Reid, that's enough," Morgan put his hand on Reid's arm, putting enough pressure on it to let the other know that he wanted him to step back.

He turned to face Morgan, almost flinching at the obvious relief on the dark skinned man's face. "Don't worry so much," he gave a tight smile and hugged Morgan loosely. "I'm not brave enough to actually jump." Morgan heard the agony that made his long time partner's voice crack.

Before he could hug Reid back or say anything, Reid pulled away and started back towards the door. Morgan stared after him for a few seconds, and then said loud enough for the other to hear, "Am I a bad friend for being relieved about that?"

Reid didn't stop walking or give any indication that he had heard Morgan. A sigh left Morgan as he followed a little bit behind the younger male. He pulled out his cellphone and sent a text to Hotch and Rossi, telling them that he had found Reid and that Reid was fine.

When they reached the elevator and were waiting on it, Morgan said, "We have to stop by Garcia's room."

"Why?" Reid gave him a question look as they stepped into the elevator.

"She's worried about you," was all Morgan said and Reid nodded while leaning against the corner of the elevator with his arms wrapped around himself. Everything about him radiated pain to Morgan and he was at a lost for something to do.

A few minutes later, Morgan was knocking on the tech room's door. A cheerful "come in" rang out and Morgan opened the door, gesturing for Reid to go in first.

Garcia didn't look away from her screens as she asked, "What can I do for you?"

"You can at least look at us, Babygirl," Morgan teased.

She spun around and looked up at both of them. Morgan was grinning at her and Reid was looking at the floor with his arms still around his middle. Immediately, she was up and pulling him close to her. Reid stiffened but Garcia knew it was out of reflex than anything else, so she simply held the brilliant man closer. Slowly, Reid's arms came up to hug her back and his shoulders gradually softened.

"Talk to us, Junior G-Man," Garcia said as the pulled back enough to brush his hair out of his face.

Reid said nothing and looked at the ground, though he kept his arms around Garcia's shoulders. Morgan breathed out softly and stepped up to hug Reid from behind, efficiently trapping him in their arms.

"C'mon, Kid, we're here to listen," Morgan said gently.

Garcia let her hand rest on Reid's cheek turning his face so their eyes met. "Seriously, Spencer, tell us what's wrong."

Morgan felt Reid start to shake between them and tightened his grip around Reid's waist, resting his chin on Reid's shoulder. Garcia rubbed her thumb over Reid's cheekbone soothingly until the shaking stop. It could have been a second, a minute or even an hour until Reid finally spoke because none of them were paying attention to the time.

"I-I can't sleep," he began slowly, eyes downcast again. "The…The photos…Crime scene photos are stuck…They're stuck in my head…"

Morgan hummed in understanding while Garcia petted Reid's hair comfortingly until he started talking again.

"The kid Chula Vista, California that was kidnapped those two girls…I keeping of him and what I could have done to stop the father from shooting him. Nathan Harris…He won't leave my head either," he mumbled, lowering his head so his hair covered his face. "He begged me to let him die a-and I keep wondering if it would have been right to listen to him. I-I mean, he might end up being one of our unsubs and those victims will be my fault."

The guilt and sheer pain in his voice made Garcia's eyes fill with tears and she kissed his cheek. "It'll be okay, boy genius. How would you feel if you _had_ let him die?"

"I don't know," he tilted his head back to lean on Morgan's shoulder as he blinked back the uncomfortable prickling behind his eyes.

"Liar," Morgan called teasingly. "You would have hated yourself even more because the knowledge that you could have saved him would be there."

Reid didn't say anything, staring blankly up at the ceiling even as his body relaxed a little more in the embrace of the other two.

"We can't save them all, Kid," Morgan's voice was gentle and deep in Reid's ear. "Be happy for the ones we do save, because if you linger on the ones we lost, you'll go insane."

"I know," he mouthed then whispered, "I know."


End file.
